Chester Love’s Guide to Romance
How to Score a Date with a Hottie
Star of Fried Bananas, and self proclaimed ladies man.
Valentine’s Day is upon us, and you find yourself without a hot date. Never fear, Chester Love is here. And I’m going to help you pick up a hottie for the day of love.
Finding a suitable female is a difficult step. There are a few places I can suggest though. The bar is always a hot spot of desperation, especially around this time of year. If the bar is not your scene, try the mall, or perhaps a nearby party or local school yard. You could even arrange to ‘bump’ into a woman outside of her house.
Once you have a place to stalk your prey, you must use your hunting instincts to find the right girl. Do you want a cute bubbly girl or a voluptuous babe? I prefer the redheaded foxes myself.
The main thing you want to look out for is the girl who is just begging to be caressed with love. That is to say, the one that looks the most desperate.
Once you have found the lovely lady of the night, you must prepare to make your move. Time the moment right – wait until she’s not talking to anyone else. If she’s surrounded by friends, create a distraction to split them up.
Don’t let her see you approaching, this could scare the potential love bunny away. You want to sneak right up next to her and surprise her with a solid one-liner. I prefer the classics, such as “You must be tired, because you’ve been doing jumping jacks in my mind all night.”
Whatever you choose to go with for your opening line, remember that it’s just a way of getting your foot in the door. The most important part of picking up a chick is your charisma. You want to be as suave as possible, but remember: Chicks love a dangerous guy.
Present yourself as a tough guy with a heart of gold and a sly smile. If you can make her laugh, then you know you have her hooked. All you need to do is reel her in, and you’ll have her in your net in no time.
After you have her within your grasp, you have two options. Stay and roll the dice to get lucky or leave her wanting more.
Now, I know many of you will be pressed for time with Valentine’s day so close, but I do suggest leaving your sultry minx on a cliffhanger. In order to seal the deal, there is one method sure to succeed.
You are an adventurer; your life is dangerous. Either you must leave right that moment or you are going into a very dangerous situation tomorrow. Surrounding yourself in mystery and intrigue is sure to excite her. All that’s left is to do the deed. If all else fails, just cop a feel.